hope, stifled

The flip of my stomach, as I wait to meet you, a new feeling? Or absent for many years. Time marched on, while you were here and I was there, I see you, my insides jump again, pushing against my skin. Then you tell me, and I grimace a smile as invisible tears run down my face – my jaw clenching and heart thumping, fast, fast, fast. I know that you know, and a heavy silence of nothing drives a space between us, which we fill with niceties, a distraction, from what was but mightn’t ever be. Later, an unfamiliar sadness hangs over me, my footsteps are heavy as they drive into the pavement. I love you, and as I swing my arms and start to climb the stairs, I try, I let go of the unexpected expectation, the hope. I lament at the space between us, at the lost opportunity, caused by the inevitable flow of time.

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